Today marks Day 10 of this journey—ten days of recording these logs and forced self-reflection. When I started these videos, it was simply because I wanted to create something, but I’ve quickly realized that I’ve been living my life with a major flaw: I am constantly attached to the finish line instead of the path. I heard a powerful piece of advice yesterday that hit me hard: Detach from the outcome and attach to the process.
Looking back at the last ten days, I see how guilty I’ve been of this in every single aspect of my life. At work, I’m more worried about the paycheck than I am about making the phone calls required to earn it. In my faith, I’m more attached to the miracle I want God to perform than I am to the actual walk with Him. Even with my struggles and sin, I’m so focused on the outcome of “stopping” the behavior that I forget to receive the gift of grace and mercy found in the lesson itself.
The Trap of Efficiency Over Obedience
I’m always looking for the fastest and most efficient way to get to the goal—whether it’s quitting vapes, saving money, or buying a house. I’m rarely willing to just sit still, settle, and simply “do right.” I thought I had so much of this figured out. I thought I was secure in my habits and my faith, but these ten days have shown me how weak I really am.
The reality is that I need Jesus more than I ever admitted. My biggest struggle right now isn’t that help isn’t available; it’s that I keep telling God, “I got it.” I keep trying to white-knuckle my way to the outcome instead of trusting Him with the process. There’s a specific kind of chaos in my head lately—whispers telling me I’m not good enough or that I’m failing—and the only way to quiet them is to surrender the result.
Waking Up with Purpose (Even on the Hard Days)
Despite the internal noise, I have been waking up with more of a purpose and a smile. I’m starting to understand that every day is truly a new day. Yesterday’s sins, problems, and even yesterday’s solutions don’t always follow you into the morning. You have to leave the past in the past to be present for the process of today.
It’s Friday, and while I had a hard time getting out of bed, now that I’m moving, I feel the shift. I’m ready to see what today brings, not because I’m chasing a specific result, but because I’m learning to value the day for what it is. Detach from the outcome isn’t just a catchy phrase; it’s the only way to find peace in a spiritual rebuild.
Embracing the “Right Now”
As I head into work, my focus is shifting. I’m going to stop looking at the mountain peak and start looking at the step right in front of me. If I can just do the next right thing, the outcome will take care of itself. As it says in Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Thanks for sticking with me for ten days. Whether anyone is watching or not, this process is changing me.