I Forgot Why I Started

There was a time when creating meant everything to me.

I didn’t care about money or attention. I created because it felt magical.

When I was a kid, I used PowerPoint on our family computer to make a ball move across the screen. It was simple and nothing fancy, but to me it felt amazing. I thought I had discovered something bigger than myself.

That feeling stayed with me for years.

As I got older, I learned After Effects and built small websites. I stayed up late working on things just because I loved it. It felt natural, like it was simply part of me.

But then life changed.

Work, responsibilities, relationships, and disappointments pulled me away from what I loved. I didn’t stop creating, but I drifted. Creating became something I did only once in a while, not all the time like before.

That was true until recently.

One day, while I was just sitting around, it suddenly hit me:

I don’t create things for myself anymore.

That realization hit me harder than I thought it would. It felt like something inside me woke up and started asking questions I wasn’t ready to face.

Why did I stop?
Why don’t I believe in my own dreams?
Why am I more willing to invest in everything else except myself?

The truth was simple.

I’ve been people-pleasing to the point where I neglect myself.
I’ve been doubting that I’m even capable of building the life I want.
And I’ve been scared.

That’s all it was.

It wasn’t a deep mystery. It was just fear, doubt, and misplaced priorities.

As I sat there, I realized I had a choice: keep ignoring it or finally face it.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do. It wasn’t a polished or perfect prayer. It was honest, admitting where I was and asking God to help me find my way back. I need to be.

Honestly, this season of life has felt strange. Physically, everything is fine, maybe even easier than other times in my life.

But mentally, it’s been tough.

That disconnect made me realize something important: I’m here to create.

Not perfectly, and not by forcing myself to create every day. I’ve tried that before, and it only leads to burnout and feeling worse.

But I want to create consistently, honestly, and with intention.

There are things I want to share, projects I want to finish, and ideas I’ve held onto for too long.

More than anything, I want to reach that kid.

The kid who feels like everything is against him, who isn’t sure if things will ever work out, and who just needs to see that it’s possible.

Because I was that kid.

In some ways, I still am that kid.

So, here’s where I am now: I’m 28.

Give me five years.

Not because I think everything will magically change overnight, but because I’m choosing to show up for my life. I want to stop running from what I know I’m supposed to do.I’m going to build. I’m going to create. I’m going to say what I need to say.

And I’m going to prove it. Not just to the world, but to myself.

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