Starting over isn’t pretty. In fact, most of the time, it’s a silent, gritty process of admitting you’ve lost your way. I didn’t want to make this video, and I certainly didn’t want to be this honest in a public setting. But I’ve been failing myself. I’ve been letting go of my faith and allowing the world to become the very thing I crave, which only leads to a cycle of disappointment. To break that cycle, I’ve realized I need more than just a vague desire to change; I need spiritual growth data.
We see people online celebrating “Day 1” or “Day 500,” and we wonder if we have that same capacity for discipline. Whether it’s running a marathon or getting sober, we all have our crutches. For me, the way out of the “spiritual shell shock” I’ve been experiencing is to document the journey. This isn’t for an audience—it’s for the man I’m becoming.
The Power of Internal Data in a Spiritual Rebuild
I have always been a lover of data. There is something grounding about being able to physically look back and see where you started. I see it when I look at old videos of me playing guitar; two years ago, I could barely transition from an E minor to a G shape, and now I can navigate the entire fretboard. That progress wasn’t magic—it was documented growth.
I log so much spiritual growth data on a daily basis, whether it’s through voice memos, electronic notes, or the internal tally I keep of my wins and losses. My notepad is filled with fragments of who I was months ago. However, despite all these notes, I’ve stayed within my comfort zone. I’ve reached a point where I realize that “knowing” isn’t the same as “growing.” To truly rebuild, I have to step out of the shadows and be honest about the state of my soul.
Why Discipline Fails Without a God-Given Purpose
I’ve tried every productivity hack in the book. I’ve done the to-do lists, the accountability buddies, the reminders, and the endless iPhone alarms. None of it sticks. Why? Because I lacked a clear purpose for the actions I was taking. I’ve found myself in a weird state: I hate the man I am being right now, but I love the man I am internally. I know there is a provider, a strong man, and a faithful servant buried under the excuses.
Over the last few years, my relationship with God has been “good,” but I feel a pull to something deeper—a level of intimacy and discipline I don’t think I fully understand yet. Rebuilding your life isn’t just about “doing better”; it’s about aligning your daily data with a higher calling. Without that spiritual “north star,” your logs are just empty numbers.
Documenting the Journey from Shell Shock to Strength
This log is my outlet. I love cinematography, editing, and documentary filmmaking, so I’m using these skills to create a record of my progression. In a world that is constantly focused on “the other,” this is a selfish act of self-preservation. I need to be able to look back in a year and see if I’m still in the same spot or if I’m light-years away from the man who recorded this today.
Life is messy. It’s chaotic. But if I don’t document the spiritual growth data now, I’ll have no way to measure the grace that carries me through. This is Log #1—the generic, entry-level start. Whether I look back in a year and see a man who finally grew up or a man still making excuses, at least the truth will be recorded.
If you’re feeling “spiritually shell-shocked” like I have been, remember that God meets us in the trenches, not just on the mountaintops. As it says in Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” That renewal starts with honesty.